WICKLOW HILLS DISASTERS                   OCTOBER 1994

1.                   Coach From Birmingham half an hour late

2.                 Mr Bean gate crashed the coach

3.                 15minutes on coach the 45 minutes stop at Hilton Park

4.                 Baggage ended up on the other coach

5.                 Driver tears up wrong tickets

6.                 12 o’clock passes Keele Service Station

7.                 Screaming kids and stereo on bus

8.                 Boat goes to Dublin Bay Patrick sends hire cars to Dun Laiohaire

9.                 Phone on boat not working we can hear them but they can not hear us

10.              Mix up on DART train some get off at Dun Laioghaire rest go to Bray without the tickets

11.               John has not had any beer yet

12.              Car keys lost and Mark steps in dog mess

13.              Break-fast at St Kevins at 7am since there is a power cut

14.              Rosemary phones Patrick’s wife !!!

15.              Forgot present for Rosemary

16.              John traps finger in the car seat

17.              Mark walks around Dublin bus station with stickers on coat

18.              Joe loses 2 quid in phone booth and swears repeatedly

19.              Car sill is damaged and touched up with felt tip pen

20.            Boat is two hours late leaving Dublin due to "Problems

21.              Patrick phones his wife with a lame excuse that the ferry has been cancelled

22.            Patrick returns in an intoxicated condition from visiting relations

23.            Sean returning from pub enters crowded cafe and says "They must make a bomb in here"

24.            3 x 2 in back seat reduced to 1/2" dowel due to Patrick looking for somewhere to land the car

25.            John squeezes out of shower

26.            Patrick gets locked out of digs and has to throw stones at window to wake John

27.            Jokes in car ...................Difference between a mountain goat and a goldfish Ans..  One mucks about in fountains ...Difference between a constipated owl and bad archer  Ans..  One shoots and cant hit, the other hoots and cant shit ........Difference between magicians wand and police truncheon  Ans... One for cunning stunts and the other is for hitting people ….. Difference between seagull and baby  Ans   ....A seagull flits about the shore,  Difference between a street trader and a daschund    Ans     A street trader balls out his wares on   the pavement.   Difference between a racing commentator and a. pair of the queens knickers    Ans   A racing commentator cavers the "Royal Hunt Cup"

28.            Folk night.  What time does the folk night start.  Commins sing up.  Eenglish, give us a song.

29.            Who the f**** is alice

30.            Simon gives Dave a ban bon and it pulls out his filling

31.              Car down on mudflaps